Rules of fiber aquisition

I admit it entirely, I am a Fiber Ferengi. These rules are based on the actual Rules of Acquisition, so there are a bunch missing. I also deleted the non-knitterly ones, the ones I couldn't contort to kindness or yarn lust.

Rule 001 » "Once you have their yarn, you never give it back."
Rule 002 » The best deal is the one that brings the most fiber.
Rule 003 » Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
Rule 004 » Free yarn is like a man in the kitchen.
Rule 006 » Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
Rule 007 » Keep your ears open.
Rule 008 » No ball band leads to large risk.
Rule 009 » Opportunity plus instinct equals yarn.
Rule 011 » "Even if it's free, you can always knit it cheaper."
Rule 012 » Anything worth knitting is not worth doing for money.
Rule 013 » Anything worth knitting is worth knitting twice.
Rule 014 » "Keep your family close, keep your yarn closer."
Rule 016 » A deal is a deal. (until a better one comes along).
Rule 017 » A contract is a contract is a contract - but only between knitters.
Rule 018 » A knitter without knitting is no knitter at all.
Rule 019 » Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
Rule 020 » Only give knitted gifts to people you know you can steal from.
Rule 021 » Never place friendship before knitting.
Rule 022 » A wise woman can hear yarn in the wind.
Rule 024 » "Latinum can't buy happiness, but it can buy you yarn."
Rule 025 » There's always a way out--rip it!
Rule 026 » "As the customers go, so goes the wise knitter."
Rule 027 » There's nothing more dangerous than an honest knitter.
Rule 028 » Knit your way to success.
Rule 031 » "Never make fun of a knitter's mother. (insult something he cares about, instead)."
Rule 033 » It never hurts to suck up to the store owner.
Rule 034 » Winter is good for knitting.
Rule 035 » Summer is good for knitting.
Rule 037 » "If it's free, take it and worry about knots later."
Rule 039 » Friendship is temporary; knitting is forever.
Rule 040 » "He can touch your lobes, but never your yarn."
Rule 041 » Knitting is its own reward.
Rule 046 » Make your tools easy to find.
Rule 047 » Don't trust a woman wearing nicer hand knit socks than your own.
Rule 048 » "The bigger the smile, the sharper the dpn."
Rule 049 » Everything is worth something to somebody.
Rule 050 » Gratitude can bring on knitting.
Rule 051 » Reward anyone who adds to your stash so they will continue to do so.
Rule 052 » Never ask when you can knit.
Rule 057 » "Good cats are as rare as Latinum, Treasure them."
Rule 058 » There is no substitute for success.
Rule 059 » Free knitting advice is always good.
Rule 060 » Keep your stitches consistent.
Rule 062 » "The riskier the stitch, the greater the sweater."
Rule 065 » "Win or lose, there's always yarn."
Rule 068 » Ear stroking will get you anything.
Rule 069 » Knitters are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
Rule 072 » Never trust your your giftees.
Rule 073 » "If it gets you yarn, sell your own mother."
Rule 075 » "Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of yarn."
Rule 077 » It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your progress.
Rule 078 » "When the going gets tough, the tough change the Rules."
Rule 079 » Beware of the Vulcan greed for knitting knowledge.
Rule 082 » "The flimsier the product, the higher the price."
Rule 085 » Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
Rule 087 » A friend in need means three times the yarn.
Rule 089 » "Ask not what your knitting can do for you, ask what you can do for your knitting."
Rule 092 » There are many paths to profit.
Rule 093 » Act without delay! The sharp dpn pierces quickly.
Rule 094 » Cats and yarn don't mix.
Rule 095 » Stash or die.
Rule 096 » "For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule, (except when there's not)."
Rule 097 » Enough... is never enough.
Rule 098 » Every woman has her price.
Rule 099 » Trusting the pattern is the biggest liability of all.
Rule 100 » "If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much."
Rule 101 » The only value of a knitted object is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
Rule 102 » "Nature decays, but knitting lasts forever."
Rule 103 » Sleep can interfere with knitting.
Rule 104 » Faith moves mountains... (of yarn).
Rule 107 » A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
Rule 109 » Dignity and an knitted sock is worth the sock.
Rule 111 » "Treat people in your debt like family, knit for them [ruthlessly].".
Rule 115 » The worst pattern always has a lot of fine print.
Rule 116 » There's always a button.
Rule 117 » "Everything is for sale, except for friendship."
Rule 119 » "Never judge a customer by the quality of her knitted purse, (...sometimes, good things come in small packages)."
Rule 121 » "Everything is for sale, especially yarn."
Rule 123 » Even a blind man can recognize the halo of mohair.
Rule 125 » You can't knit if you're dead.
Rule 126 » Count it.
Rule 127 » Stay neutral in conflict so that you can buy yarn from both sides.
Rule 139 » "Wives knit, husbands wear."
Rule 141 » Only fools pay retail.
Rule 142 » There's no such thing as an unfair advantage.
Rule 143 » Risk is part of the game... play it for all it's worth.
Rule 146 » "Necessity, n. The mother of invention. Knitting is the father."
Rule 152 » A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know.
Rule 153 » "Sell the warmth, not the sweater."
Rule 162 » "Even in the worst of times, someone turns a heel."
Rule 168 » Whisper your way to success.
Rule 169 » Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
Rule 171 » "Blood is thicker than water, and wool is thicker than both."
Rule 172 » Chances aren't what they used to be.
Rule 177 » Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
Rule 181 » Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of silk.
Rule 188 » A fool and his money is the best customer.
Rule 189 » Let others keep their reputation. You keep their yarn.
Rule 190 » "Hear all, knit everything."
Rule 191 » A knitter waits to buy until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
Rule 192 » Never cheat a crocheter... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
Rule 194 » It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
Rule 200 » "If you're going to have to endure a yarn diet, make yourself comfortable."
Rule 202 » The justification of yarn is yarn.
Rule 203 » "New yarn is like razor-backed Gree worms... They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!"
Rule 204 » It takes a knitter to cheat a Ferengi.
Rule 208 » Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.
Rule 214 » Never buy yarn on an empty stomach.
Rule 216 » Never gamble with an empath.
Rule 217 » You can't free a fish from water.
Rule 218 » Always know what you're buying.
Rule 219 » Possession is 11/10 of the law.
Rule 223 » Beware the woman who doesn't make time for eating.
Rule 229 » Yarn lasts longer than lust.
Rule 231 » There's a sheep born every minute; be sure you're the first to find each one.
Rule 236 » You can't buy fate.
Rule 242 » More is good... all is better.
Rule 253 » Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse.
Rule 255 » "A wife is a luxury... a smart knitter, a necessity."
Rule 262 » A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Rule 284 » "Deep down, everyone's a knitter."
Rule 285 » No good deed ever goes unpunished.

The Unwritten Rule » "When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up!"

I should have these (the highlights, anyways) on a t-shirt.