Mon, 05/12/2008 - 09:36 — penny
I was perusing the Soap Dish Forums, and there was a thread about getting soap in your eyes. Someone had freaked out when they got soap in their eye and it stung. I don't know why they felt the need to complain, as all soap does that...but one lady came up with the best disclaimer ever. I love it. I had to repost it here.
Use only as directed. Not for internal consumption. Do not eat, this is soap, no matter how yummy it smells. It will taste icky and may cause intestinal discomfort, nausea, diarrhea, indigestion, gas or constipation. Do not stuff it up your nose. Doing so may result in nasal irritation, nosebleeds and death by suffocation. Do not carve it into a gun and attempt to rob convenience stores with it. Doing so may result in permanent injury or death, not to mention incarceration and humilliation when you're remanded to Riker's Island. If it falls in the tub, do not step on it, as it might be slippery and cause you to lose your balance. And if you're in Riker's Island, watch your back. Do not use with abrasive scrubber in nippular area for extended period of time, as abrasion may occur. If it does occcur, you probably should stop. Keep out of reach of children. Close your eyes when you wash your face...didn't you learn anything as a toddler? Discontinue use if irritation develops, you idiot. See a doctor if it gets worse. You know what? Forget it. I'm not going to sell you anything, you lawsuit crazed opportunist! This is a trap, and I'm not going to pay for your kids college education and your summer house at the shore. Go use Irish Spring; see if I care.